I’m Back!!!! And with a story…

My apologies for the lack of recent posts. The last post I made was 3 months ago, however, in those three months much has transpired…

My adventure started with a kidnapping!  The Mexican cartel picked me up at a local Tex Mex joint because I was “suspiciously amazing at winning the claw machine.” Once in Mexico City, I exclaimed that I was but a lowly salesman, but that talent was quickly used against me as I was soon forced to use my incredible sales experience to sell Maracas with 0% sales commission. Oh the torture! I developed a keen friendship with the manager of sales, a Spaniard by the name of Inigo Montoya. Distraught with the current political status of Mexico, Inigo left it all to travel to Florin (I hear it’s nice there. Renaissance Era all year long) while babbling on in his broken English something about revenge and prepare to die. It was a chance of a lifetime. I stole the unprotected cash box which had approximately 1 million US dollars (Mexican nationals never bought the Maracas, only American tourists, and that was lucky due to the poor state of the Peso). Then with the stolen revenue in hand I crafted my escape to New Zealand.

I arrived in prime for the summer months. Quite nice actually! I toured the entire Lord of The Rings filming trail and even formed a lasting friendship with Kelly Slater as I learned the ways of pro surfing. Surfing was cool, but I needed a claim to fame. A single event that would make my name go down in New Zealand history, so I bought the entire population of kiwis. After all of the kiwis died in my incapable hands and the New Zealand people rose up against me due to the overrun of worms and grubs that the kiwis weren’t eating, I swam to Australia (I know right? What a feat.) With my somewhat shallow experience in showbiz, I performed opera in Sydney in exchange for a one way ticket back home. That brings us to right about now actually!

And that ladies and gentlemen is the tale of my epic 3 month adventure that brings me back to writing for your enthusiastic ears. I most definitely did not sit around for the past 3 months being lazy and not writing blog posts…that’s absurd.

 

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